when he comes back, I'll be 20 weeks.  I'll be half-way through this pregnant and I'll LOOK pregnant when he returns home.  He's leaving for MarSOC indoc in two weeks and will be enduring some horribly difficult training in that time.  My friend's husband dropped out of it after two weeks after she called in for a family emergency. and she said he was emaciated and horribly smelly.  They've since implemented a "preparation" course before the actual indoc to help reduce the number of drop outs, but it's still very trying.  Josh is a very determined individual, so in my mind, he's already made it.  But I really hope he'll be okay... it's still scary and I've heard some horror stories.

It'll be kinda rough not having him here, however his brother is going to be moving down here soon, so it'll be nice to have family around.  :]  Speaking of family, my mother-in-law and BIL are here visiting.  Unfortunately my MIL has to leave tonight.  She's been an angel, floating around our house, making dinner... cleaning... being amazing!  I love her so much!!!  She even went out with me to gush over baby things.  We went to the PX and she begged me to let her buy her first "Grandma purchase" which happened to be a bunch of onsies, a receiving blanket and a big, fuzzy blanket for baby.  It's a good thing we don't have a gender yet, because otherwise things would have gotten out of hand fast.  They have so many cute baby clothes... and strollers... and bedding... yikes!  I'm going to need an intervention come gender reveal time.  I will buy all the things!!!

Yes, they're kinda boyish... but I figure with a little sprucing up, these could get pretty girly if needed - green and brown polka-dotted bows, etc.  Like I've mentioned, my intuition is that this little trooper is going to be a boy anyway.  So, we'll see!!  <3
Anyway, I'm excited!!! 

Ta-da!  There's our little monster! <3 I absolutely love this baby so much already!

This was from a couple of weeks ago, but isn't it cuuute?  Looks like a little sea monkey!

It's so funny because it just hit me that there is something in this little tummy of mine!  I don't know that I mentioned it, but our due date was changed at this appointment from September 15th to October 6th, 2012.  So, I am currently 10 weeks and 5 days pregnant and finally feeling more energy and less pukey!

Life has been pretty good since we've been home.  Josh has MarSOC indoc coming up in a month (yikes) and I'm working part time at a sub shop while still working on getting photography commissions.   I figured I would be able to get away with buying more baby stuff if I was contributing to our monthly income.  Right now, it just feels good to contribute.  Josh shouldn't be deploying for another year or so since he'll need to reenlist which means he'll be there for much of baby's firsts.  :]  that makes me happy.

Well all, sorry for being MIA but I've felt pretty icky lately.  :\  Hopefully it'll change soon!

-Lindsey e.

Leave has been really great so far.  We had a day out at my parents and we all had a great time shooting and spending time with Josh.  His friend, Blam, drove 6 hours to spend one day with him.  THAT is a great friend!  He has work and whatnot, so he couldn't really stay for longer.  I love my family and the way that we live!  Especially when newcomers visit; they're always blown away!  We have a LOT of property and no deed restrictions, so we just call the county to let them know we're going to be shooting and then alert the neighbors, so that no one calls the cops.  haha  so fun!  We rode down on my tractor followed by our entourage of dogs and passed by the bonfire and the dried up creek, which always starts some conversation.  :]

The following Sunday, we held a "homecoming" party for Josh to welcome him home.  My mom bought him a book on the "History of the Marine".  He had a lot of people show up, including a friend from high school who just got out of the Marine corps a year ago.  It's crazy to come home and talk with friends and family as a pair.  I don't have to fill anyone in on how Josh is doing... because he's RIGHT there!  It's amazing.  His mom had a custom cake made at HEB, which was very cool.  I had a good time, and it was a nice time for my in-laws and parents to sit down and socialize. 

I am also very curious... I am now 2 weeks late and I'm not sure what's going on.  I am trying so hard not to get excited because so far, I have had only negative test results.  I am praying that maybe we've been blessed, but I am so nervous that I'm going to be told it's nothing..  I'll keep on waiting - keep on hoping.

Semper Fi, ladies!

-Lindsey e.

...this morning at 0530 and honestly I felt beautiful... even though I know my hair was a mess and my face had to have been flushed of all color, his voice breathed life into me this morning.  It's been (technically) four days since his return from Afghanistan.  I haven't really had a chance to pop on here and update much of anything yet.  For this homecoming, I invited Josh's family to come in to experience it - and I am so glad I could do it.  Admittedly, it was a lot more stressful than I originally anticipated.  It wasn't fault of anyone really, but I stressed over a lot.  I wanted to make sure everyone was tended to and getting enough attention.  So, I found myself stressing the closer we got to his return.

The day of his homecoming, we were supposed to get to the reception at 10:30pm (which is when they would be landing) and Josh and I had this master plan in mind already.  We activated his phone and he was to call me when they actually were leaving Cherry Point which is an hour away from Lejeune, which means we'd only be waiting around for an hour or two.  Of course, I talked big all day - "We won't have to leave until Josh calls because they always run late, so we won't leave until they're on their way here", etc, etc.... and then after stalling for an hour, I cracked under pressure and felt like I was about to miss Josh coming home!

LOL

We waited from11:45pm - 4:30am... When they were estimated to get there by 2am at latest... Oh, silly Marine Corps... always hurry up and wait.

When the men of 1/9 main body all came through, we all began cheering at them.  They had them march from the Armory to the Area 1 gym and then get in formation in front of us and then dismissing them as the last grouping fell into place. Josh passed by us and his mom shouted his name and he turned his head for a split second and caught a "glimpse of red" and knew he was in the right place.  I waited patiently as my Brother in law ran to Josh and got that first hug, which I'm glad they were able to have that.  Josh then came to me and hugged me up in his arms and then his mom and so on.  1/9 did a craptastic job of sorting their gear.. the guys had three bags to pick up before they left and 1/9 half-assed any sort of order.  Josh's C-bag, Daypack and duffle were in three different areas and it was like finding a needle in a haystack... then having to find two more out of the sea of hay.  *smh*

I am having a really hard time adjusting to him being home to be honest.  I LOVE it, don't take that the wrong way; I'm just having trouble believing he's here to stay.. I feel like he's going to leave again and it's going to hurt, so I am taking my dear, sweet time allowing myself to get comfortable.  I have deducted that a lot of it has to do with the fact that we have shared our every moment together with others.  Our family left this morning, but we still have friends to see and I babysit Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays.  So, even with everyone going home, there's still going to be a lot of "shared time" before we will actually get our time one on one.

Anyway, I'm supposed to go work out a bit this morning (hubby's orders) to help wake myself off and curb me off of my usual 44 oz caffeine fix.  Haha

He's home!  He's finally home!

Deployment:  COMPLETED

Semper Fi, Ladies!!

-Lindsey e.

It’s been a while since I last sat down and let myself openly stream thoughts onto paper… but I have wanted to for a while, if only to get my brain kick started.  So let us begin!

I am back in Austin, which has been bittersweet.  It makes me think of high school and my old group of friends that I have since fallen out of contact with.  I miss them, truth be told.  I hate drinking and I am not interested in pot – but I miss them.  I know all it would take would be a text just asking them out to dinner or whatever, but I’m nervous it would explode into something I’m not ready for.

I am at my parents’ house visiting, and I wish it wasn’t so darn complicated.  I love seeing my family, but my mom and I fight viciously.  She gets worked up and says things she doesn’t mean… or says things she means while disregarding how it affects me.  Last time I visited, she told me Josh and I wouldn’t make it… she told me Josh and I were just feeding off of the government and that our lives were easy compared to what she and my dad went through trying to raise me after I was born.  She pointed out that I ruined her life – having a baby when she was 17-18 and having to grow up too quickly… as if that was my intention while being conceived /eyeroll.  So, every time I’m here I feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshells and hoping not to set her off.

Josh honestly told me while he’s gone to avoid time around my mom (ie:  stay somewhere else), because it always ends up back-tracking me for MONTHS at a time and it’s not worth the added stress.  So, I’m going to do my best to jump back from this and just do a better job for Josh.  He’s the sweetest guy and deserves the world.

I have also been feeling a lot like Josh and I are on different tracks for our lives.  Josh wants to be a badass, and I just want him to get his butt home.  I want to start a family and he wants to travel and do all those neat single family things.  He wants dogs, I want kids… he wants guns, I want to save up for whenever my body lets me get pregnant… I feel like we aren’t headed the same way, and that is a first… and it frightening.  This by no means puts our marriage in any kind of jeopardy, I just wonder about it.  When we sit down to talk about whether we want to reenlist or get out and try our hand at civilian life, I know we will have so much more to discuss than just that sticky topic.  Has anyone else been in this situation?  Josh and I are almost telepathic when it comes to our wants, needs and desires... but when we talk on the phone or on skype, I feel like he's hoping for something other than the life I have imagined.  I just hope we are able to compromise... or at least get back to what we wanted before this deployment.

Well, I think that's enough rambling for now.  Hope you all are doing well, and those of you that just added me, I hope this doesn't bore you to death.  I want to get back into writing... I miss it.  :O

Semper Fi, Ladies!

-Lindsey e.